dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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