if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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