so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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