he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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