its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
