We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
