I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize