super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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