I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize