Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
