I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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