Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
