ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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