They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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