he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
