my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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