I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
