i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
