It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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