His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize