Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize