the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All the doctor said was why
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
