I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I currently don't understand fingers.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
