Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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