Pappa wants mamma naked
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
