how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
