dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
