How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
