I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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