Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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