Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
