we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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