1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize