I hate your face
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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