also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
