Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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