Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
