I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
