Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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