if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
