Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
