i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
