i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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