Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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