i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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