its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
