i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
