Will you blow on my dice?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
