we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she peed on how many people?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
