What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
