I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
