I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it hurts more in the daytime
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
