Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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