The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
