We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
