peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
