She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
