it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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