O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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