i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
