Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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