i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
