Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
