He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
