Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize