Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
