i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
