Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
