There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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